The Husband Manual

I had such a hard time titling this post. I just couldn't come up with a good one to save my life!
I listen to a local radio station on my morning commutes. Several days each week I drive over and hour to work - so a good morning show is crucial in making sure my morning doesn't turn sour over horrible drivers, wreck on the interstate, etc.

Since I was a freshman in high school - age 14 to be exact I have been listening to a morning radio show called - The Ace and TJ Show. Last year they went on a slight hiatus and were only available via Internet or their app until recently when they signed with a new station and are now being broad casted back in our area. Any who, long story short - this week the members of the show are having their spouses write a manual about them to give to their "new" future spouse, should they ever be out of the picture.

I thought it was neat, funny, and a pretty darn good idea for a blog post too! My husband doesn't read my blog but you can bet I'll be showing him this post!

Dear Future Mrs.,

Please let me start with a quick reminder that it was over 6 years into our relationship before we were married. Not because we weren't ready but because we were both very stern in our belief that people fall in love and if that love is true, you continue to grow in love. If time is not allowed to see if falling in love will lead to growing in love then one can not be sure they continue to grow in love for forever.
Therefore, if you were married in less time than this, you can almost bet he now realizes he jumped the gun and is now probably regretting not waiting things out, just in case.

We were young when we met, young when we married, and young when we built our first home together - just because we were young does not mean we were stupid, not does it mean we didn't know what marriage is. We married within our faith, lived by the word of God, counseled with our Preacher for 6 weeks before and there was not a dry eye in the church when we said our vows in front of God, our family, and friends, because we meant every word of our vows and we lived them. Divorce was never an option in the event of martial issues and if you are reading this it is surely because I'm 6 feet under.

He has a heart the size of Texas, and though he does not always wear it on his sleeve, its there. Its there and its big and it will love you more than you ever dreamed of, if you let it. Don't take him for granted. You wont find many more men like him. His soul is pure. His eyes the brightest blue. And he will work harder than a plow mule chasing a carrot. When he loves someone or something, he is devoted completely and fully. Never doubt his love for you. Just when you think he has forgotten you, he'll sweep you off your feet and remind you why you love him so.

If you lack cooking skills, I mean GOOD cooking skills - don't expect him to eat it anyways. If it doesn't taste good, honey, he ain't eating it. He isn't picky and does a good job cleaning his plate but if it involves fresh oranges, mayonnaise or anything that looks like mayonnaise you better keep it far away from his plate. Better yet, don't even bring the mayo in the house. You will never win that battle, so give up now.

He drinks beer, only beer. You can skip the vodka, whiskey, or rum because he wont have it. If it involves tequila, sounds like tequila, or smells like tequila he will vomit. Don't say I didn't warn you. He's a Michelob man, Michelob Ultra to be exact. And on game days - Coors Light. Remember that - its important. Its important that he gets the correct beer on the correct day as well. He is a baseball coach. A very superstitious baseball coach. Ultra on off days. Coors on game days. You got that?

He's OCD. Not clinically diagnosed, but he has it, trust me.

This man does not like to be hungry. He needs his meals, all three of them and possibly some snacks in there too. Don't you dare forget one! Don't dry his any of his shirts or shorts - I spoiled him with my laundry skills long ago and made him a nit picky mess over his clothes!  He will always tell you he hates shopping, but once you have in the door he'll be pulling more off the racks than you! Don't do anything to hurt his precious lawn. He takes great pride in his grass and keeping it looking its best. He'll spend more money on the grass each year than you will dying your roots and getting pedicures - this is also a battle you should not try to fight, its not worth the effort.

And finally, our sweet sweet Bronx. If you want to know what half of my heart looks like, please look at him.  His full name, given to him by his Dad is Charlee's Bronx Bomber, because, after all he was a present to me.  Being die-hard Yankee fans, the name seemed fitting. He is AKC Registered and his blood line is 256th best in his breed. He was born on November 10th, 2009 and joined our family on December 23rd, 2009. We celebrate both dates. His birth date and his welcome home date are both special and deserve to be celebrated. Bronx is a full blooded Yellow American Labrador Retriever - and lives up to his breeds name 100%. Since Bronx has been with us I have not slept a full 8 hour night nor gone to the bathroom alone - and for what he brings into our lives its totally worth it. Bronx is spoiled beyond imagination - mostly because I could and wanted to and partially because he is just so darn cute. Please just go along with it - because I highly doubt you'll win the "bark war" he engages you in when he is really adamant about wanting something. He eats breakfast and dinner and has a snack for lunch. He needs to be walked twice each day and brushed daily. He needs his pain meds on rainy days due to the rod in his leg and some set in arthritis. He sleeps in the bed, as in the bed you'll share with my husband. I hope you didn't plan to cuddle - except with Bronx. Ha!
One last thing,  I'm not sure its possible, but if it is you can guarantee if you ever harm Bronx in any way - I will come back to earth to haunt you and make your life hell.

Sincerely,

The First Mrs.